Waiting

Four weeks of waiting are over! We're halfway through the eight weeks. We have been very busy so it is going by fast. Let's hope the next four fly by!

We had a great Christmas, but Hadley had an ear infection in both ears and pink eye last week, and I have been sick since Christmas Eve. I guess it's that time of year. I think back to last year when she was an infant, and I am grateful we were able to keep her out of daycare until June. She would not have been able to fight this many illnesses when she was a preemie. It seems like she has been sick continuously since this fall when she had croup. I guess it's better now than when she starts school.

We discovered a major flaw in our baby plans earlier this month. Last time we went fertility treatments (2006), I had coverage through my work and Ben's, so everything was covered. The plan in our heads was to do that again this time around.

However, when we sat down to pick insurance coverage for 2008, we came across many problems. First, Ben's insurance coverage dramatically changed from two years ago. It now has higher premiums and less coverage (80% compared to 100%). Then, because I work part-time now instead of full-time, my premiums at work are now much higher. Not only that, but my income is about 2/3 what it was before, and we have to have a plan that covers Hadley somewhere.

When we crunched the numbers, we found out the best deal was to take out family coverage under me. This time, taking out double coverage wouldn't work because each insurance would only cover 80% and we would still have to pay 20%. Last time mine paid 80% and his paid the rest. The scary part is that in addition to our premiums of $5616.00, we will have to come up with $4500.00 in out of pocket expenses - an extra $4500.00 that we don't have.

I know how much fertility treatments cost, and I knew we would need the entire amount in a short period of time. We have had no extra money since I changed to part-time, so I had no idea where we were going to get such a huge amount of money and still pay our bills every month. I felt like we had to choose between providing our daughter with a place to live and providing her a sibling. That's ridiculous! I was very angry that many people can choose to become parents whenever they want (and sometimes when they don't want) simply by having sex, and we have to make huge financial, medical, and lifestyle choices just to have a chance for the same result.

We talked about every possible scenario...scraping together the money by cutting out non-essential expenses, me finding a full-time job at work, borrowing the money, etc. We finally came to the decision that we couldn't afford to have another child (because of medical expenses). It had a huge emotional impact for us and was extremely painful.

We told our parents about the decision, and we were amazed and grateful when Stu offered to loan us the money so we can try for a baby. We cannot imagine a greater gift. I guess that's one of the reasons he works so hard - so he can have the money to help his family. Hopefully his reward will be another grandchild!

I have a feeling I won't get a cycle the entire 8 weeks, so it looks like it will be another 4 weeks until anything happens. I'll be impatiently waiting until then.

Hadley's Pictures

Today I got access to pictures I had taken of Hadley last week at JCPenney's. She cried at first and didn't cooperate, but she warmed up and they got some nice shots. We were taking them for a Christmas card and for her 1st birthday. Here is a sample:




Nothing new on the fertility front. My breasts are nearly back to normal. Thank goodness the pain and swelling only lasted one week. Hadley is doing great, and I am glad I stopped nursing when I did. I think it would have been harder had she been older and more set in her ways.

The Fun Begins!

Sunday morning was my last time breastfeeding Hadley. I am in PAIN! It's really not unbearable or anything, but it hurts more than I expected. I am waiting for a big hormone crash, but I haven't had anything so far. I read that depression can hit once you stop producing, but emotionally I feel fine.

Mon and Tues mornings were rough with her - she really wanted to nurse and was not happy that Dad fed her breakfast instead. She did better Weds morning so I thought she was already over it. Then today I have been home with her all day and she is quite cranky. She has a cold/cough/runny nose, and I think she wants to nurse to feel better or something, because she has not been her usual happy self. I am sure that by the time her cold is gone she will have forgotten about wanting to nurse.

As far the fertility plan goes, I started 500 mg of Metformin on Mon. I take that daily for 2 weeks, then increase to 1000 mg a day for 2 weeks, then increase to 1500 mg. I already notice my stomach is getting messed up. Looser stools - not much fun, but worth it once your pregnant!

If I don't cycle by Jan 27, 2008, they will induce it. At least now I have a date to focus on. Dates and plans don't stick very often in the land of infertility, but at least they distract me from the thought of never getting pregnant again.